


devotion.

by dandeliondokyeom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, but I didn't tell you that, hanahaki, he certainly handles it, hehe, i cannot stress this enough JIHOON IS WHIPPED, it's certainly an attempt, jihoon is just in love, jihoon is just so in love, jihoon is like wow yes i love you you're my everything, jihoon just wants to be appreciated, jihoon opens his heart to seokmin, no one actually dies chill, seokmin gives jihoon flowers, seokmin handles it, seokmin is boutta end this man's whole career, seokmin is in love, there is an attempt at a story, there's like death but it's not really death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandeliondokyeom/pseuds/dandeliondokyeom
Summary: Jihoon always knew love was a foolish concept, that it only had one ending and that was heartbreak. He knew that it only brought temporary happiness but a lifetime of pain. He knew that if he ever opened his heart to anyone, if he ever felt particularly strongly towards one lone person, then he’d only end up a broken man.Love to Jihoon was a ticking time bomb. The first feelings were the strike of the match, the last goodbye was the explosion, and everything in between was the excruciatingly painful wait for the timer to run out.Love was dangerous; it was a sure way to get killed. And yet, he still let himself fall deep into it.So, so painfully deep.
Relationships: Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Lee Seokmin | DK
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	devotion.

**Author's Note:**

> aaa hello hello and welcome! this is my first time ever posting a story so please let me know any ways i can improve. i hope you enjoy reading! have a wonderful morning/day/afternoon/evening/night/etc.!

Hanahaki Disease; the disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. 

-

Jihoon always knew love was a foolish concept, that it only had one ending and that was heartbreak. He knew that it only brought temporary happiness but a lifetime of pain. He knew that if he ever opened his heart to anyone, if he ever felt particularly strongly towards one lone person, then he’d only end up a broken man. 

Love to Jihoon was a ticking time bomb. The first feelings were the strike of the match, the last goodbye was the explosion, and everything in between was the excruciatingly painful wait for the timer to run out. 

Love was dangerous; it was a sure way to get killed. And yet, he still let himself fall deep into it. 

So, so painfully deep. 

-

Jihoon’s twenty when he first meets Seokmin. 

Resting his chin in his palm, the sweet scent of freshly brewed coffee and low hum of coffee machines almost lull him into a light sleep. His eyes are starting to involuntarily close, and he can slowly feel himself beginning to slip further and further out of reality and closer and closer into a land of peace and dreams and sleep. 

It’s only four in the morning, and Jihoon’s so so tired, but he wills himself to keep his eyes open and stay awake, no matter how tempting the idea of putting his head down on the wood of the table he’s sitting at and letting his body rest - finally rest - may sound. He tries to remain strong, tries to convince himself that it would just be gross to sleep on a random table that hundreds of people have touched, he reminds himself that he doesn’t have time to rest, he’s far too buried in his work to even consider it, and so, this coffee run is only going to be quick. 

Or at least, this run is supposed to be quick, but the tall stranger that enters the shop while Jihoon is up at the counter, collecting his order for today’s four am run after it is finally, finally, called, makes this one specific coffee trip last a lot longer than it normally does when he bumps into Jihoon as the shorter male is turning around and somehow manages to make Jihoon spill his coffee all over himself. 

All over. 

Perfect. This is just what Jihoon needs. 

“Oh god, I’m so so sorry. I’m so stupid oh my god. Jesus are you okay?” the tall stranger hurriedly worries in a panicked voice, louder than Jihoon would normally deem appropriate for this early in the morning, but there’s just something so unique and special about this strangers voice that Jihoon quickly decides he doesn’t mind if the stranger whispers at three in the afternoon or shouts at three in the morning. Which, knowing Jihoon, is strange, because he’s not one to be so open to new people, especially if they’re seemingly loud and he’s running off of who-knows-how-much sleep. 

But this stranger seems to be different. So different. In a way that Jihoon can’t quite put his finger on. 

Yet. 

One ‘apology coffee’ later and Jihoon has the strangers name, phone number, and the information that he, in fact, attends the same University as him, only he’s a year younger. He also has the image of his bright smile engraved into the back of his mind, the warmth of his touch burned into his skin, and the sweet sound of his voice playing back through his mind, over and over like a beautiful song he can’t help but replay millions and millions of times but still never get sick of. 

Jihoon knows he looks terrible; he knows his black hair is flying every which way, giving the appearance of a birds nest laying atop his head; he knows the skin beneath his brown eyes is painted with a hideous mixture of dark hues; he knows his petite frame is barely staying upright, oozing exhaustion from every inch of skin. 

But Seokmin, oh Seokmin - he brings out the best in Jihoon, the parts he had never seen in himself; he brings the loud, unrestrained laughter, the eyes dancing into crescents akin to the moon, the dimples that paint his face in pure euphoria.

He forgets about all of his schoolwork, the essays he has to write and exams he has to study for, because his brain is filled with Seokmin and Seokmin only. 

He still can’t put his finger on what it is that makes Seokmin so different, but it’s just something. 

He doesn’t realise that that something is the fact that he’s the man that will get Jihoon to open his heart, to try new things and, for the very first time, get Jihoon to fall in love. 

\- 

It’s been months since the pair shared their first kiss and in Jihoon’s eyes, Lee Seokmin is nothing short of perfection. 

The intricate fall of his brown hair unto his forehead, the mole painting the skin underneath his left eye, his gaze as they watch the stars together on the roof, sitting beside each other and sharing cheap takeout, laughter and secrets, both of which are picked and carried away into the mystery of the night. Right in this very moment, all that’s flowing through Jihoon’s mind is how utterly in love he is with the taller male. 

Seokmin must feel Jihoon’s eyes resting on him, as he turns to meet the smaller male’s gaze in no time at all, a soft smile painted onto his features. Jihoon feels his heart melt until it is nothing but a puddle of admiration for the younger. Everything else in his life is irrelevant because Seokmin’s suddenly finding Jihoon’s hand with his own. Even after all this time, the touch still sends goosebumps dancing across his skin. 

And as they lay there, enraptured in the mixture of their worlds, everything else just melts away; there are suddenly no deadlines begging to be met, no rooms so unkempt it‘s impossible to move, and every possible mistake that could be made ceases to exist. All that matters is the two of them, together, their fingers fitting together like the most beautiful puzzle known to mankind. 

Laughter fills the delicate silences, stories are spoken into the night air and forgotten just as easily as a gust of wind blows, and the stars draw a map straight to Jihoon’s heart. And as Jihoon glances over at Seokmin, as he silently admires the sharp slope of his nose, the delicate flutter of his eyelashes with every blink, and the happy upturn of his soft, soft lips, he finds that while Seokmin is the one laughing, Jihoon is the one out of breath. 

Jihoon rolls onto his side, propping his head up on his hand, though his gaze never leaves the masterpiece beside him. His eyes travel across and take in all that Seokmin is, all of his dips and curves. 

His next words almost fall out of his mouth in a mumbled heap, they’re so automatic. He barely even registers it before he whispers, “I’m so in love with you it’s kind of scaring me.” He watches with a giant smile on his face as Seokmin registers his words, his laughter slowly dying down until it ceases to exist in its entirety. 

The joyous spark in his eye though, oh it never leaves. His lips maintain their happy curve as he licks his lips. “You know what?” he asks, his voice light and airy. It sounds as though he’s nearly bursting with euphoria, a little bundle of absolute sunshine. 

God, does Jihoon adore him. 

Jihoon tries to stop himself from sounding like the star-stricken teenager in love he really, really is as he responds to Seokmin. “What?” his smooth voice questions, sounding a little foolish and a lot in love. 

“I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you right in this very here moment,” Seokmin admits, his voice gentle, and Jihoon swears he nearly takes off with all the butterflies in his chest. 

He smiles, his eyes crinkling and insides gleaming, and this, Jihoon thinks, is home. 

-

Jihoon doesn’t remember the day he lost his childlike view of the world; the day he stopped witnessing every colour five times more vibrant than they actually were, the day he had to force himself to smile and couldn’t remember what genuine happiness felt like. He does, however, remember, with exceptional clarity, the day he regained such views. 

The day he met Lee Seokmin. 

Seokmin means so much to him. Every second spent with Seokmin is a blessing and if he ever lost Seokmin, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. 

It’s strange, Jihoon thinks, that he feels the need to keep someone in his life as much as he does Seokmin; it’s strange and foreign. All throughout his life, Jihoon had never imagined himself wanting to spend his life besides one person and one person alone. Frankly, he barely even believed in love. But Seokmin, though, that Lee Seokmin - he definitely possesses the ability to weave himself into people’s hearts, with no intentions of finding a way out. 

Seokmin really isn’t someone Jihoon would have ever imagined himself falling in love with - he’s pretty much the complete opposite of who Jihoon thought he would ever go for, yet here he is, watching Seokmin with the dumbest smile on his face, riding a wave of warmth and happiness that only Seokmin can create within his chest. It’s like his heart was blindfolded when it chose Seokmin; like it had blindly spun around and randomly pointed to someone and said ‘That one’. 

God, was it the best choice his heart has ever made. 

If you were to walk down an aisle of Jihoon’s happiest, fondest, more sincere memories, it would be full of Seokmin and only Seokmin. Because that’s just how Jihoon’s life works; everything always comes back for Seokmin. Jihoon doesn’t mean to be dramatic, but Seokmin is literally the only reason he’s still breathing. 

Jihoon started living when he met Seokmin. Every time Seokmin touches him, it reminds Jihoon that he’s still alive. 

-

It’s their three-year anniversary when Seokmin gifts Jihoon what is, perhaps, the most beautiful bouquet of flowers he’s ever laid eyes on. It varies in colour, ranging from simple violet chicories, to mere magnolias, and many others that Jihoon can’t name. But the flowers that catch his eye the most are the white carnations beautifully woven into the mixture. Seokmin must realise that Jihoon can’t seem to avert his gaze from such flowers, as he softly chuckles and carefully picks one of many from the bunch. Jihoon’s eyes follow his movements as Seokmin gently twirls the carnation around in his fingers, staring at it intently before meeting Jihoon’s gaze. The smile hasn’t left his features and his voice is dripping with affection as he simply lets the word “Devotion” slip past his lips. 

Jihoon confusedly furrows his eyebrows, not entirely understanding the intent of such a simple word. He makes a soft “Hm?” sound in his throat as lightly tilts his head to the right. Seokmin’s laugh drowns in admiration while his face his swallowed by the giant, euphoric grin painting itself on his lips. Eyes are crinkled, dimples are appearing, and hearts are soaring. 

“The flower, Hoonie. It symbolises devotion.” 

Oh. Jihoon thinks that his heart has never fluttered so much. 

Seokmin goes on, talking about how the chicories symbolise unconditional love and the magnolias symbolise always loving someone, or maybe it’s the other way around, he’s not really sure. Frankly, Jihoon can’t hear much over the sound of his own racing heart. 

-

It’s five months after receiving such flowers when Jihoon discovers that a beautiful, white carnation has begun to bloom in his chest, weaving its way up through his throat, out of his mouth and into the toilet bowl beneath him. 

And every second after that, Jihoon is just watching his world collapse around him as though it’s a movie. 

-

Glasses are smashed, voices are raised and tears are shed when the truth finally reveals itself. 

Jihoon’s head hurts. 

“How do we fix this?” he questions, his voice a tad gentle and entirely broken. The tears are still coming, showing no signs of stopping. Distantly, Jihoon curses himself for being so easy to break, to ruin; he despises the way he sounds so small, so vulnerable, so afraid. He despises the way his hands are shaking, his skin is covered in goosebumps and he especially despises the black dusting his shoulder from all the minutes he’s spent tugging desperately at his hair, attempting to ground himself, attempting to wake himself up from this nightmare, attempting to get a grip on the whole situation. 

He already knows the answer before Seokmin even opens his mouth. 

“Which part of me wasn’t enough?” 

This time, Seokmin’s answer is drowned out by Jihoon’s inconsolable sobbing. And then the door is shut, and Jihoon’s alone. Once again. 

-

Months pass, and Jihoon grows lonelier and lonelier by the day; the hole in his heart grows greater and greater with each passing second. All he feels these days is numb. And stupid. 

The flowers, though, they never stop. It gets to a point where every morning, he’s racing to the toilet to expel a gushing wave of white petals, gradually growing more and more tainted with blood. But he’s not going to get the surgery - of course he won’t. 

Loving Seokmin is the only thing that keeps him alive. 

Everyone calls Jihoon stupid for not getting the surgery, they say he’s foolish and delusional, and maybe he is, but deep down he can’t help but hope ever-so-desperately that one day, Seokmin will look at him and fall in love again - hope that Seokmin will remember every reason he fell in love with Jihoon in the first place, and then stumble into a beautiful hole called them. 

Seokmin’s moved out of their apartment though, and one day, Jihoon hears from a friend over lunch that he’s moved on and that he’s smiling brighter than he’s ever smiled before. 

Jihoon thinks about excusing himself from the table before breaks down, though he’s not fast enough and before he even moves, tears are streaming down his face. 

And Jihoon finds that nothing in the world could persuade him to care.

-

Gone are all of the cosy touches Seokmin would make to the apartment - all of the sticky notes he’d leave around the place, all of the polaroids he’d stick to the fridge, all of the cute anniversary cards and presents he’d make for Jihoon - were now replaced with scattered flower petals that Jihoon used to find oh so beautiful, but now can only see the ugliness and pain within. The beautiful vase that used to hold the bouquet Seokmin gifted Jihoon was no longer sitting pretty on the dining table, full of gorgeous flowers and varying colours that added something so special to the apartment. Instead, the vase contained blood-stained flower petals, not-so-prettily piled upon one another and filling the vase to the rim. 

No matter how much Jihoon tries to forget about Seokmin, he still sees the taller male everywhere he goes; his laughter echoes the hallway, his smile lingers in the mirror, his clothes ghost the back of the couch. Jihoon feels incomplete, like he’s missing his other half, but, he figures, the only person he can blame is himself. He should have been kinder; he should have been funnier; he should have been more expressive. He should have held Seokmin’s hand more; he should have ran his hand through his hair every once in a while; he should have played along with Seokmin’s jokes and gags. He should’ve made Seokmin happy; he knew what Seokmin wanted and needed in a relationship, yet he still failed to provide just that. 

Of course one day Seokmin is going to get bored - it‘s bound to happen. Jihoon isn’t enough - he’s never enough. He’s not funny enough, not bright enough. He’s always bothering Seokmin with his problems, always dampening his fun because he can’t even fake a smile. He’s too neat, too much of a perfectionist, but maybe that’s one of the reasons he fell in love with Seokmin before he did anyone else. 

Because Seokmin’s perfect. The most perfect person Jihoon’s ever known. 

Jihoon always knew love was a foolish concept, that it only had one ending and that was heartbreak. He knew that it only brought temporary happiness but a lifetime of pain. He knew that if he ever opened his heart to anyone, if he ever felt particularly strongly towards one lone person, then he’d only end up a broken man. 

Love to Jihoon was a ticking time bomb. The first feelings were the strike of the match, the last goodbye was the explosion, and everything in between was the excruciatingly painful wait for time to run out. 

Love was dangerous; it was a sure way to get killed. And yet, he still let himself fall deep into it. 

So, so painfully deep. 

Maybe the line separating his platonic feelings for Seokmin from the romantic ones was blurred. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Jihoon’s feelings for Seokmin were never platonic; maybe he fell for him the first time he met him - maybe he fell for the messy brown hair, the random tangents in the middle of stories, and the loud, happy laugh as soon as he was met with them. 

He should have stopped it - he should have sensed it was coming, should have taken notice of the butterflies that acted as flashing lights, screaming danger. 

But he didn’t. 

Maybe it was because Seokmin made him happy, and he needed that in his life. Maybe it was because Seokmin was so admirable he knew his parents would be proud that he was the man he was dating. Maybe it was because Seokmin loved  
him and it felt so damn good to be loved by someone as perfect as Seokmin. 

Or maybe it was just the fact that it was Seokmin he was falling in love with, and that he would do anything for Seokmin.

Even die for him.

**Author's Note:**

> you made it!!! thank you so much for reading this, it means the world to me. even if you didn't enjoy it, i still owe so much thanks to you. feel free to follow my twitter @dandeliondokey! stay safe~


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